Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think my vagina is haunted
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
