Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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