Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
