I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
