so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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