the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You left your phone here
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