he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
