Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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