i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize