he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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