I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
