"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
