I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
