Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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