i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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