I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
