How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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