Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
