I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
