I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
