Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
