thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
