Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
