Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize