there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i've created a new STD.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
