How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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