I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
