I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
