I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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