Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize