im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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