I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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