I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Randomize
