My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
