My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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