We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
