Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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