You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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