is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
