she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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