It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
