4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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