Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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