That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
