I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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