i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
