a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
