There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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