Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
