He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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