there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
