i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
