Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
