I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my being single is dangerous.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
