Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
