Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
