He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it