Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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