I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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